Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Randomize
