Is it normal to miss your booty call?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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