and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
