Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My brain says no but my pants say off.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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