can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
