Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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