Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
