there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
