I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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