your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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