I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
