i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
