I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
