Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
