i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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