I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
