the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I think I am morally bankrupt
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Redeem this text for a blowjob
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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