Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
