his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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