But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
