MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize