I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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