I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
not ubering you a puppy
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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