i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
