dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
