Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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