im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
