I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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