how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
