White coat. Heels.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
