Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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