Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
last night I used snow as a chaser
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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