I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
