Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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