i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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