Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
