I love black thongs
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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