He had one of those small greek statue penises
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
