It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
