I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
