Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
