I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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