Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
