we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Randomize
