my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
it glows. i had to have it.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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