i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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