alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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