I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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