you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
