I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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