I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I will pee on everything he values.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize