I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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