Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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