Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
