I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
