Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He passed out mid-signature
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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