Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Too much gin, very little bucket
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize