I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize
