Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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