problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
