Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
