He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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