you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
