please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
