This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
