Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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