wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
