Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Sorry about my life...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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