Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm like, not good at living.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
