please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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