I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
