You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Randomize
