she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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