Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize