you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
