FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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