Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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