Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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