Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize