I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
