she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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