yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
