everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
