he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
