Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize