she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
