i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
