sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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