I hate all girls vehemently.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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