My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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