i just had sex bonerless
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
